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.: 7.18.2007 

I should probably be slapped upside the head.

So, I have the newest version of the book in front of me for a final edit. This is the version with photos and design and cool fonts. This is the version that, assuming every i is dotted and t is crossed, will be printed and offered for sale across the English speaking world.

And I don't like it.

Worse? It's beautifully done, wickedly elegant; a Tim Burton wet dream. If it were anyone else's book I'd be agog and slightly jealous for not being able to design this well. But it's not a feel I would have picked for anything with my name on it. It's... girlie. Really Victorian goth girlie. And I am just not girlie. So I don't like it, and I feel horrible about not liking it because I should be thanking my lucky stars that I have a book being published and am not starving to death in a third world country. As everyone keeps reminding me, and as I know, I really do KNOW, there could be worse things. And, as a designer myself, I know it's much, much too late now to expect it to be changed. It would take a solid week's worth of work to redesign it - and that's if everything went really well. I can't ask for a redesign.

But the lie of it bothers me. I feel like the design says that I want to be this kind of person. I feel like this will produce a certain expectation of me in public if/when we are sent to promote it. It makes my stomach clench. I'm not this girl, I won't be this girl, so if you buy the book and show up for a signing expecting to find a certain feminine, elegant kind of person there, you will be gravely disappointed.

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thus proclaimeth the Zabet  9:02 AM  

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