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.: 1.31.2008 

Satan and His Electric Carving Knife

I forgot to mention that last week on Thursday or Friday (one of the days when Hubby was home from work, recovering and I was taking the bus alone) I got pamphleted by a Jehovah's Witness. Here's the thing though: Least. Obnoxious. Witnessing. Ever. We were having one of those "gee it's cold" sort of chats, I mentioned I'm usually hot when everyone else is freezing and should move to Alaska, she mentioned her sister is just the opposite and has moved to Arizona. Then, without blinking and eye she said, "I'll bet you're a student so you probably have lots of reading to do already, but if you have time you might want to read this," and *bam!* hands me the tract. Then, as smooth as can be, she goes right back to the subject of the weather and we finish our nice chat as the bus rolls up. I get on first and sit down, thinking, "Oh man, now I'm trapped," and that she's going to sit next to me and really start in, but she passes me and the empty seats next to me by, saying, "Have a good day!" as she heads to the back of the bus. Wow! Ok, -2 out of 10 for prosletysing, but several million points for style!

Hubby found the tract as I was cleaning out my purse last night and glanced over it. We had a little giggle, and I suspect this is how Satan (blond, rather like a cross between Jullian Sands and Warwick Davis, but tall) entered my dreams. Hubby and I were working undercover (for God?) and at this big rally for Satan. The venue was an odd cross between a movie theater and a buffet. Satan was up at the serving table, slicing stuff with his electric carving knife - everything from roasts to cheese pizza. You know how carving knives have those serving prongs at the end? I had to eat a slice of cheese pizza off the end of the knife all confident and saucy-like (so as to not blow my cover) while he was hitting the trigger and laughing.

Then everything changed and I was at the house of this brilliant but batty inventor and I rode a small train to a rocky mountaintop where I talked to the spirits in the rocks (à la the Nome King from Return to Oz). We were all sad because one rock spirit had gone bad and was working for Satan. Then I hugged a boulder and said, "No matter how this comes out, know that I love you."


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thus proclaimeth the Zabet  8:53 AM   2 comment(s)


I wish more people would prostheletize that way. I might actually read what they give me if they were not obnoxious.

And wow what a dream. :D

By Blogger Janis, at 1:50 PM  

I always knew Ron Popeil was really Satan. You just can't invent that many gadgets with out heavily leaning on Dark Forces. And those infomercials! They're a special level of hell.

By Blogger Raellyn, at 9:32 AM  

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