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.: 3.19.2012 

Abandonment

"The paradox of personal change is that we are seeking something truly unknown to us. How can we seek something we cannot directly target? How can we go toward something if we don’t know where it is? We are simply required to set out. We reach a point where we are willing to be blindfolded and spun around. We flail about in the dark. We bump into things. But we find something if we keep going.

To reach that point where we are willing to seek what we don’t know, we may first have to accept that our thinking is exhausted and can take us no further. Eventually, in comprehending our own plight and our place in the universe, our thinking runs out. Our thinking cannot keep up with what is present right now; our thinking cannot track the many invisible particles shooting through us right now; our thinking cannot keep track of everything; it cannot comprehend the dazzling line of ancestors we arose from, back to those one-celled organisms that organized themselves in the sea and evolved and became complex and began to breathe. So we begin out of desperation. But it is a welcome desperation because it sets us on the necessary path.

It sounds like spirits and emotions but much of it is neuroscience.

...

My journey toward sobriety, I should mention, began not with concern about alcohol at all, but with a journey inward toward some mysterious pain. The quitting drinking only came later. First came the journey to the underworld. First came the shedding of skins."

Cary Tennis

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